**Friendly warning– this contains spoilers.**

I was all excited when I heard about Fifty Shades of Grey. A BDSM book with erotic sex scenes going mainstream? Hell, yes!

I stopped reading the second book when Anastasia said she felt a pang of jealousy when Christian referred to his helicopter, which he calls Charlie Tango, as a “she.”

Seriously?

I have never read a book more full of jealousy. Both Ana and Christian feel it for everyone in each other’s lives. Friends, ex-lovers, bosses, even employees. It’s ridiculous. (Family might be the only group they seemed to be okay with– thank God.)

Even when I was in monogamous relationships, I never made my boyfriends stop talking to their friends or exes who happened to be friends. I’ve always known that people need friends. And I have definitely never gotten upset if someone grew attached to his car or any other toy that men tend to get attached to. Good grief, I have more self-esteem than that.

There was one other completely over the top situation in the book that I just couldn’t deal with: When Ana got a job at a publishing company, Christian bought it, effectively making himself her boss’s boss. Now, Ana did get mad, bless her heart, but she obviously didn’t get mad enough. There is no way in hell I would’ve put up with that!

Christian basically was trying to make himself everything to her– best friend, boss, lover, husband. No one can be everything for one person. Even monogamous people need friends and a life outside their partners.

And Ana– poor dear. She’s a virgin who finds a kinkster with many, many issues. And she decides to marry him and thinks she can heal him? She’s trying to control him just as much as he is her. Granted, maybe her version is a bit more benign. But still, obviously they both have issues.

I just don’t like Christian Grey, who is a controlling, overbearing asshat. Maybe he has reason to be, but the sympathy invoked by his shitty past never made him bearable to me. Now Ana I might could be friends with, but I just don’t understand her choices or her patience for everything Christian does.

I can give the book credit for the sex scenes. They were imaginative and explained some things that I’d never experienced or had heard about in detail. In the first book at least. I thought for sure she’d stop admiring his body and the way his clothes hung off his hips, and blah, blah, blah. It got old. Maybe because I’m not used to concentrating on one lover? But it was almost like their all-consuming attraction was so intimate and private that it pushed me the reader out of the story. Plus, it was just ridiculous to be that wrapped up in someone.

No amount of hot sex can make up for the jealousy, the controlling tendencies and the unlikable characters. Sorry, but no, thank you.

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