I’ve stayed out of the Chick-fil-A ordeal for weeks. It happened in a difficult time, not long after my family found out about my differences, so I definitely had other things on my mind. But I have been watching and reading.

Rachel Held Evans posted the most balanced post I read. She gave both sides something to think about.

What struck me most about the whole ordeal (and Ms. Evans’s middle ground approach) was how polarized the issue was. Lines were drawn. Sides were chosen. On both sides. And no one on either side seemed to care about the feelings of the real live people on the other side of the issue. How did the Christians fighting for their convictions feel being called hateful names? How did the LGBT community feel being told their way of life was wrong? Jesus was a loving person. It was his greatest commandment, he told us. I can’t imagine that a hate-filled debate pleased him at all.

I also hated to hear this: Of course Chick-fil-A, a Christian company, would be anti-gay marriage. Why exactly? What is inherently Christian about  marginalizing a whole group of people? What is inherently Christian about being hateful to other people? Nothing. Christians should be finding middle ground in this debate. That was what I liked best about Ms. Evans’s post.

I don’t think Dan Cathy was wrong to share his views. This is a free country, but I wonder if he thought about his employees and his customers when he proclaimed his views. How does the lesbian college student working to pay her tuition feel now? Awkward I would imagine. Probably unsafe.

I like Chick-fil-A. In college it became my comfort food, and I probably ate it more often than was healthy. But I can’t ignore what that yummy chicken sandwich and those delicious waffle fries have come to symbolize.

One of my Facebook friends — a youth minister — called his fellow Christians out by pointing out that it took a fried chicken joint to join them together for what turned into a noble cause: Protect the establishment, protect the ideals it represents, be proud of your convictions. Okay. But why doesn’t feeding the hungry ban this many Christians together? Or caring for orphans and widows? What about the homeless? The abused and neglected?

I think we should use this debate as a lesson: we all want to belong. We all want to ban together with our fellow man. We’re all — deep down — lonely for that sense of belonging. So instead of concentrating on our differences, why don’t we concentrate on our humanity?

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